I've changed medication, I'm trying to eat, get more rest and 'just keep swimming'. Cos right now that's all I can do. I'm also trying to surround myself with positive people, friends who lift me when I need it, give me space when I need that and understand the deep dark hole I'm in.
I'm also taking a break from (anti)social media. Twitter, Instagram and Facebook are full of shinyhappypeople. With perfect lives, families, jobs, spouses, kids and teeth.
No one reveals their dark sides here. No one tells you that parenting can be the most soul destroying thing in the world. No one admits to wanting to smash their out of control kids' heads against a wall. There aren't too many admissions about financial stress and marital distress. And I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling inadequate looking at the endless selfies, reading about perfect lives.
With ALL of this in mind, there's a few lessons I've learnt that I want my children to know. Especially my daughter.
With all the pressures in real time, there's really no need to subject yourself to extra stress in your timeline. So here goes...
You are not the sum total of your followers, likes and retweets
A selfie does not a person make. Or validate. Emma you're gorgeous inside and out, every second, every moment of the day. There's no need to post pictures of yourself and wait for the comments and likes to flood in
Your 500 friends on Facebook aren't actually friends. Your friends are those people who take the time to see you, are there when you need them (even when you don't want them to be) and give you real hugs
Your real friends also know you beyond your Facebook status and 140 character tweets
To lose a follower on twitter isn't the end of the world. Nor is a subtweet
Don't get caught up capturing photos for Instagram. You'll miss out on the real magic
Tweet people like you'd like to be tweeted and treat them like you would in real life
If you've got nothing nice to say don't say it on social platforms. And don't put up with people who do
Facebook is a great distraction. But so is a real book
Give you and your phone a time out occasionally and always love the one you're having coffee with. Not the one in your phone
Life is made up of precious moments. Sometimes in the car, at a playground, while reading a book or having a chat. Not every moment has to be captured on Instagram to be special
And so Emma, while we all need technology to stay in touch, it can often be the very reason we lose touch.
As you get older and more techno savvy always stay savvy