Sunday, 11 January 2015

When is it time to become a never-nude?

Let's pretend for a moment that you're Aunty Gladys. How would you respond to this question from a reader?

Dear Aunty Gladys

Recently a friend of a friend of a long distance cousin who married a sister of mine invited other friends over for lunch and a swim. This friend of a friend has two boys. The other friend has girls. 

After swimming the kids decided they wanted a quick bath to warm up and so the mom went off to get one ready.

Everyone was chatting and enjoying themselves and the squeals of kids in the bath was a clear indication no one had drowned. One person went through to check on them and they came back smiling, saying how cute all four of them looked. The mom of the girls went in to have a look, but returned, not so smiley.

Out the corner of my eye I saw her pull the mom of the two boys aside and ask why they were all in the bath together. Naked. She kinda did a hissy snarly thing when she said the word 'naked'. "They all wanted to take their costumes off?"saidasked the now nervous boy-mom.

"Our girls aren't allowed to be naked with other kids. And especially not boys.  And definitely not naked and alone with them!" Again she kind of spat out the words 'naked', 'alone' and 'boys' if they were hurting her mouth. 

They left soon after and the mom of the two boys came to ask me if I would have a problem with mydaughter  bathing with boys(in the nude) at the age she is now. I wasn't sure what to answer. I'm still unsure. 

What are your thoughts Aunty Gladys?

Yours sincerely
A never-nude?

Saturday, 3 January 2015

Speaking bird

My and my husband's entire day is spent answering Ben's questions.  They come thick and fast from the time he wakes up until he closes his eyes at night. 

His questions include:
Is stupid a bad manner?
Is shut up a bad manner?
Where does light come from?
Who makes water warm?
Who makes water hot?
Who makes water cold?
Why do we go into our classroom at school?
Will Emma have hair on her bagina?
Will I have hair on my bagina?
Why don't I have a bagina?
Why do our eyes close when we sleep?
Why do bed bugs bite?
Where do bedbugs live?
What are their (bedbugs) names?

But one of our more recent conversations had me pee my pants a little. This is how it went...

Ben: mom is fachacha a bad manner?
Me: well I don't really know what fachacha means so I don't think so
Ben: mom is 'f*ck' a bad manner?
Mom: Yup!  That's a bad manner
Ben: well then fachacha is a bad manner cos it means 'fuck' in bird language

Got to love my Ben!

Wednesday, 31 December 2014

I was teabagged in 2014

2014 sucked big hairy camel testicles.  Like huge gonads.  And when I wasn't sucking the sacs of the aforementioned camel, I felt like I was being teabagged.

I felt like 2014 was the bully on the playground, with his little posse of bad news, bad happenings and bad decisions.

He seemed to jeer from the sides, watching, as I lost friends, collagen and the fight against gravity.

I turned a year older but can't say wiser. Bad choices and decisions left me feeling low, lower than my gravity strained boobs. I felt like every moment was spent chasing money, people or time.

I fell out of friendships and fell into a few new  ones. I met and left people. I felt let down by them and I'm sure I disappointed some too.  Family showed a side in never knew existed and so did my five year old little girl.

I watched as friends experienced tragic losses and whispered 'there but for the grace of God go I'.

2014 left me reeling with emotions. There were times I felt like a victim but I also came out of a few situations feeling like a survivor. I gave in to dark moments too easily, too quickly.

I have no idea what this new year has in store for me, and instead of new year resolutions I'm going to try make daily ones. To be a little kinder.  To be a little gentler. To be a lot stronger. To be fair. To be in the moment.  To appreciate the good and the bad. To love more. To worry less. To let go when I need to.  To hold on tight when I need to. To laugh big deep belly laughs. To say what I think and to know what I want. To not settle. To not compromise.

My wish for you. Is all of the above!