I went to bed hoping that in the morning I would wake up to the Missing Minors Pink Ladies Organisation's status saying she had been found and the healing could begin. We would all breathe a sigh of relief and 'tsk tsk' the teen for being wayward and naughty. We could silently judge her mom for not having better control of her daughter and pat ourselves on the back that our children would never do that.
Sadly we didn't get that chance. Instead we woke up to the news that Klara had been found. At Northgate Mall. Dead. The story at the moment is she committed suicide by jumping off the roof of the shopping centre. The only way for me to cope with that news was to shut down and pretend it hadn't happened but as the day wore on my thoughts kept going back to this young girl, her face all over new sites and social media platforms.
I battle with depression and I've certainly had those thoughts of ending it all. My husband, children and medication keep me going and somehow I pull through and I face another day, albeit a crap one. I know those moments of hopelessness, helplessness and sadness but I've always got someone that I know I can reach out to.
I keep looking for updates on the news and on Twitter, that it wasn't suicide. That Klara was pushed or accidentally fell. For me that would be easier to come to terms with. I can teach my children how to protect themselves in a kidnapping situation or against bullies. I can encourage them to stand up for themselves if someone's been nasty to them. I can warn them about strangers. But I have no idea what to do when the stranger is within. When their own mind is the bully. How do I protect them from themselves?
I keep wondering what she must have been feeling. Did she act 'normal' at school? How long had she planned this? Had she spoken to someone who shrugged it off as teenage 'angst'? Was she excited about the school day ending so she could carry out her plan or was she dreading the final school bell?
While she was standing there, about to jump, did she secretly hope someone would find her, stop her? Was she praying her phone would ring and someone on the other side would tell her she's loved. And worthy. And enough. If only she had checked Facebook and seen how many people were searching for her, praying for her safe return, how desperate her mom was.
If, why, what, how? None of it matters. A family is dealing with a pain unimaginable. A mother has lost her child. My heart goes out to all who knew and loved Klara.