I know a lot of people have buckets lists, which is essentially a list of things they'd like to do before they die. I'm more of a F*** It List kind of person. It's still a work in progress and I find myself adding things to it on a daily basis, but it looks something like this:
1. F*** It, I'm not climbing any mountains, molehills or speed bumps. Do more than my fair share of steps in a day
2. F*** It, I don't need to navigate around the world in a hot air balloon. I'll leave that to Phileas Fog
3. F*** It, I'm not bungee jumping off a bridge. I get my thrills travelling JHB traffic everyday
4. F*** It, I've danced in the rain before, I don't need to do it naked
5. F*** It, I don't need to travel to see the great wall of China. I live in JHB and am surrounded by all kinds of walls
6. F*** It, I don't need to go looking for gorillas in Rwanda, we have / had Max the gorilla
And so it carries on...a list worthy of a spot on the fridge. I don't believe in bucket lists. I think when you're about to give your final death rattle, the last thing you need is a family member saying "Oh, look Melinda, out of a list of 25 things, you only managed three!" Well thank YOU very f***ing much. Not much I can do about it now but yes, ta for that! Also looking back at the best moments of my life I realize they were all unplanned. Swimming with dolphins in the Maldives never featured as a goal so when it happened I was like WTF! Meeting Mark, falling in love and marrying him was never planned either. Same goes for Emma.
This conversation evolved recently with a group of friends, and we turned the idea of a bucket list around. Instead of achieving all the things you wanted to by the time you died, we asked what would you do if you knew your DD (death date)? Morbid I know, but the free-flowing bubbly made it much more fun that it sounds.
Most agreed that if they knew the date of their final destination they would stop working, travel the world, have an affair, sell everything they owned, backpack through Cambodia, have another affair in case the first one wasn't any good, learn to play a musical instrument, star in a porn movie (I thought that but didn't actually say it out loud), learn a language, and so on. I disagreed with them. As much as death is an occasion, it's also only a moment and life will carry on when I'm gone. Mark would still have to have somewhere to live, pay the bills and raise a child or two.
But since Emma has come along my way of thinking has changed. Don't get me wrong. I still have a F*** It list but it's relevant and doable. And I can do all the things I want to with Mark and Emma now, before I sashay off this mortal coil.
So my new F*** It List looks something like this:
1. I won't be able to stop working all together, but F*** It, I could get a half day job in order to spend more time with Emma
2. I hate roller-coasters and airplanes, but F*** It, to see Emma's face at Disney World would be worth the fear and nausea
3. Emma loves jumping castles, so F*** It, I'd have one blown up in our garden all the time. A big crocodile one with teeth, because that's the one Emma loves
4. I'd dance (badly) at friends birthday parties to every cheesy song the cheesy DJ played. F*** It, not going to sit them out until MY favourite song gets played
5. Emma has her 'good' clothes which she wears for hey-days and special occasions, well I say F*** It, she can wear them every day, any day
6. At the risk of being labelled as 'madder' I'd tell my friends and family how much I appreciate them, love them, need them. F*** It, I'll even tell total strangers
7. Every day would be a 'birthday-circle' day. F*** It, life's too short for it to be anything else
8. I'd wear my wedding dress around the garden while I plant my favourite flowers, trees and shrubs. F*** It, right now the fish moths are getting the best of THAT dress
9. I'd flirt with younger men. F*** It, I'd flirt with older men too
10. I'd track down and buy all of my favourite books I loved while growing up, and make a library for Emma. F*** It, she needs to believe in princesses, dragons, knights in shining armour and happy-ever-afters
11.I'd leave a handwritten journal for Emma to read when she's older because everyone needs a story of their life. F*** It
12. I'd compile a disc of our funniest moments as a family because F*** It, if you can't laugh at yourself then what's the point really
13. I'd leave instructions for Emma on how to compile a F*** It List
14. I'd leave Emma my recipe for delicious cupcakes, to be baked every day other than birthdays, because F*** It, life's too short to only enjoy cupcakes on a birthday
15. I'd compile a CD of my all time favourite break-up and make-up songs, because F*** It, music is the soundtrack to one's life
Oh, and when this is done, I'll start on my CHUCK IT List!