Know the lumps in your lady humps...

It's breast cancer awareness month and if the campaign doesn't make you stop and check your breasts, the universe will.

On Monday I started feeling a rather uncomfortable pain in my right breast. I assumed it would get better and left it at that. Tuesday the pain was still there, with a swelling around my nipple and a strange discharge. Still, I assumed things would clear up on their own.

This morning I took a quick look at it's sore and swollen and hot...not like in check-out-my-hot-boobs hot, but rather somethings wrong and my lady hump has a fever. I asked Mark if he could check and see if he felt anything strange, but as a man he immediately cupped both and said something along the lines of "mmmmmmm, they seem alright to me!"

As soon as Esther walked in I asked her to have a look. There's a distinct lumpy feeling and I wanted to check if she picked it up too. She felt it straight away and insisted that I make a doctor's appointment there and then. What amazed me is when she told me that every Saturday morning she lies on her back and checks for any strange lumps and bumps. Wow, I thought, I can't remember when last I did that.

The problem I have with my boobs is that they're quite lumpy anyway. So it's hard to tell if it's a good lump or a bad one. I've had mammograms from early on because of the nature of the breast but to be very honest I've haven't had a check up in a while. 

I made an appointment with the doctor this morning and she has sent me off for a sonar and a mammogram. She thinks it might just be an infection in one of the ducts, but given my age (how I hate hearing that lately) and the fact that two aunts have been diagnosed with breast cancer (one survived, the other sadly didn't), the doc's not messing around...

Dr. Smook (yes, that's her name - could be a character in a Dr. Seuss book) is a bit strange. She swears (a lot), smokes (a lot) and I wouldn't be surprised if she drank (a lot). But she's sweet and I feel comfortable with her. She kindly called Sunninghill Hospital to see if the necessary specialist was there and would be able to see me. The receptionist put her through to the rooms and Dr. Smook started with "I have a patient who has a sore breast, seems to be lumpy, has a history of breast cancer in the family.....oh, hang on, is that not Dr. Lipschitz's rooms? Oh I've come through to the gastroenterologist. Well a pipe up her a** isn't going to sort out her boob, is it?"

Anyway, I have an appointment on Friday at 12h15 to check out the lump in my lady hump. Until then I have some antibiotics to take. Not penicillin. I'm allergic to that. But some other antibiotic which apparently can result in damage to my Achilles heel should I run fast or sprint. Like that ever happens? Rest assured, there's no way either of that's going to happen so for now I'll focus on my my rather inflamed eina nipple.