If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

This weekend was a trying one for me and Emma. She's at a stage where she's testing limits to see what she can get away with and I'm just testy. She pulled out all the stops, some of which left me reeling.

But then I got her newsletter from school with this at the end. I felt like it had been written for me, and having read some of my mommy friend's tweets and messages I figured they might need this too...

http://oleana.wordpress.com/2010/11/17/made-with-true-love/

(found this picture and it said so much...and I'm sure you'll all agree)

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

If I Had My Child to Raise All Over Again,

I'd build her self-esteem first, and the house later.

I'd finger paint more, and point my finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more field and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.

I would be first less often, and affirm much more.

I'd model less about the love of power,

And more about the power of love.

A comedy of errors....

In the movie Forrest Gump, Forrest says that life is like a box of chocolates because you never know what you're going to get (inside). A box of chocolates would be a pleasure compared to my life at times. What he should have said was that life is like a used diaper because you never know what you're going to get inside, or even better, life is a like a toddler projectile vomiting because you never know when or at what angle it's going to hit...

My life is like a comedy of errors. Seriously. I couldn't make some of the stuff up. Thankfully I've developed a thick skin and a sense of humour.

Just last week I was telling my senior manager about the events from Wednesday night and my dear friend Jean told me I talk crap (in a nice way). Both my manager and I said that there's no way I could make it up. Not in a million years.

Take a few days back. I had popped into the Spar to get some cigarettes, boxed cappucinos and something else, oh yes, dust (my lunch). Walking back to my car I was checking smses, messages, facebook and twitter as well as trying to put things back into my wallet. So pre-occupied was I with all of this I didn't really look where I was walking. I pressed the remote, heard my car unlock, jumped into the driver's seat and was just about to start the engine when I saw a figure to the left of me.

Now I watch The Haunted and Haunting and I believe in the paranormal. Without looking to the the side the 'ghost' was seated I looked around the floor to see if I had a bottle of Valpre that I could use as makeshift holy water and sprinkle on the lost soul...as I looked at the floor near my feet, I noticed a Toyota mat. Hang on a second, I thought, I don't drive a Toyota. Still hunched over I peered at the 'ghost', which was now looking back at me in his brown pants and white shirt. "Oh crap!" I exclaimed realizing I had gotten into the wrong car...

That's how my life is. Sometimes a comedy, sometimes a little tragic. But never dull.Like the time I pulled out a text book to read an extract to a class of 1st year varsity students, and a sanitary pad (with wings) was stuck to the back. Or the time I lost my knickers in a cinema. I'm not even talking about the time I tucked the back of my school dress into my stockings and walked around a lecture hall. Oh and there's the time I asked my hairdresser to cut my hair like Twisted Sister as opposed to Swing Out Sister...

Wednesday night was one of those nights. From the time I got home to the time I went to bed.

I had been chewing gum the whole day (horrid habit I know) and while on the loo I thought I would put it into a piece of toilet paper and then throw it out. In between being bullied around by a toddler and wiping my drippy bits, I had forgotten that the gum was still in the tissue paper, which I had in my hand. As I started doing the 'paperwork' I realized this too late and ended up with chewing gum in my you-know-what hair. Making my way down to kitchen like a bow-legged cowboy I found some ice and proceeded to freeze the gum so that I could pull it out. Retelling this to Jean and my manager, their reactions were mixed. Jean was more horrified at the thought that I had hair 'down there' and Manager-guy couldn't understand why I hadn't just used scissors to remove the gum...

A little while later I was giving Emma her bath and Basco, our little Chinese Crested Powder Puff was in the bathroom with us. While he lay there listening to Emma singing her bath-time songs  noticed he had a little bit of an erection. I didn't take too much notice and soon bath-time was over. An hour or so later Mark commented that Basco had a 'lipstick' to which I replied I had noticed it a while back already. Mark immediately went into 'vet' mode to see if he could 'help' Basco out. Sitting opposite him in the lounge I noticed his hand going up and down, up and down, quite quickly. "Angel, are you jerking the dog off?" I asked. "I'm just helping him out!" says Mark. "Oh in that case it's okay then THAT YOU'RE MASTURBATING OUR DOG!!!!"

A few minutes later Basco was still erect so Mark asked me if I could help. "No, I don't think so" I say. "But this is weird for me, he's my son and it's man on man action" replied my dear sweet husband. "And you don't think what you're doing to the dog is weird?" Empathizing with the dog, Mark figured he must be quite uncomfortable so he called the emergency vet in Bryanston for some advice. At this point I had to leave the room because I had the giggles, but I could still hear the conversation, which went something like this:

Mark: Hi there, yes, I'm hoping you can help. My dog has had an erection for a while now and the skin around his er, um, er...

Vet:........

Mark: Yes, his penis. Well it seems to be stuck now and it's drying out

Vet: .........

Mark: No we don't have any KY Jelly in the house

Vet: ..........

Mark: Yes, we have other lubricants

Vet: .............

Mark: Okay, I'll do that. But you say I mustn't use the minty one

Vet: .............



By this time, I was on the floor, doubled over, about to pee in my pants. Oh how I wish I had recorded that conversation. Anyway, next thing Mark scoops Basco up in his arms and takes him upstairs, to our bedroom?!?!? to give the pooch the best hand job of his life. A few minutes later they returned downstairs, Basco sans erection with a post-coital glow and Mark looking a little sheepish.

As if that wasn't enough Mark made ANOTHER call to the same vet about another one of our dogs who was suddenly limping. Mark started that conversation off with "Hi, sorry it's me again. I phoned earlier about an erection I couldn't sort out...."

Sometimes moms need a time-out too...

I remember when we were getting ready to bring Emma home. We were scared, excited and convinced we'd be the best parents EVER! Leaving the shelter that day with Emma in her car seat Wanita called me aside and said "if you ever feel like you're going to snap, just put Emma in her cot and go make yourself a cup of tea!"

At first I had no idea what she meant. I had waited so long for this little bundle there was no way I would 'snap' with her. Oh no, not me.

Until yesterday. It only dawned on me then what Wanita had meant. Mark was at a hockey tournament all day and Emma and I were going to a birthday party. The party was loads of fun, with Emma swinging, going on the slide and even having a pony ride, but she didn't know any of the kiddies there and I only knew one or two adults. Needless to say I was Emma's entertainment for the morning. It's at times like these that I wish had a pocket sized Thabani with me.

We got home and had a snooze. Unfortunately I wasn't feeling great and Emma's nap was shorter than I had hoped. All in all I felt like crap and probably needed to rest a little more. It was almost as if Emma could 'smell' my irritation yesterday. It was as if she was doing it on purpose. You know how a cat will always go to the one person in the room that can't stand them. Well, that was Emma yesterday. Imagine me the rather annoyed house guest and she the feline. It was a recipe for disaster...

After me shouting at her and losing my cool one too many times, I put Emma to bed at 8pm. I went downstairs and put the TV a little louder. I kept wishing that I had asked a friend to come round and let me have some time-out but I thought that that would be a sign of weakness. The night would have gone so differently. I wouldn't be feeling so guilty but I honestly figured it would be a bad reflection on me as a mother and as a human being. Surely I shouldn't need someone to be looking after my baby? Surely I should be cherishing every moment with her?

Berating myself for being a horrible person and an even worse mother I realized it's not weak people who ask for help. It's the brave! It's okay to need a break from our kids for a little while. It's not a bad thing to get the chance to miss them. And it's good for them to miss us too...

We all want to be Super-Moms. We put pressure on ourselves to be super moms, wives, partners, lovers, career women but sometimes it's okay to just be super-tired!

ghosts, ghouls and princesses

This morning Emma and I joined Nicki and Luca at Serendipity for a trick or treating, magicians and all round fun. There were ghosts, ghouls, zombie nurses, jail birds and princesses (and that was just the parents).

Emma, er I mean Hello Kitty, as always, had a huge amount of fun with Thabani and Luca, sorry I meant Woody. Emma as Hello Kitty and Luca as Woody...

All in all, a beOOOOOOOOOOOtiful morning

Make A Wish...

Yesterday while sitting in my cell some might call an office a parcel arrived for me. Excitedly I opened it up not quite sure what to expect and there it was. The most beautiful aqua coloured box with a pink ribbon around it. It was so pretty I didn't want to open it up...but I did!

Inside were three naartjies made out of Marzipan and an invite to a store opening, that Tanya had kindly organized for me. The colour combination was stunning and I suddenly thought NOW THIS is perfect for Emma's party (next year)...

Take a look and let me know what you think. I think it's gorgeous and within my budget

Visit Kara's blog for more wonderful birthday party ideas

The road to 'sell' is paved with good intentions...

Marie Claire SA's November issue is all about us ordinary women loving our bodies, cellulite, stretch marks, lhoobs (low hanging boobs) and all...

but

The road to 'sell' is paved with good intentions...

The theme around the issue was applauded (I think) but the irony of using a super sexy uber model for the cover along with headlines like "21 Days To Get Bikini Ready" and "Tselane Tambo On Life After Lipo". The magazine, supposedly celebrating female creatures, great and small, is also running a competition for readers, the prize being the chance to "Freeze Your Fat Off". The blatant hypocrisy left me feeling bitter, fat and hungry-ish (I still battle with self-image so eating isn't big on my list of things to do)

Tweeters twitted furiously, with some very influential editors and twitterati having a go at the inconsistency of the magazine’s intended message with the actual message. Fiona Snycker's article (http://www.thoughtleader.co.za/fionasnyckers/2011/10/26/supermodels-are-normal-too-arent-they/) is a well written piece which points out the hypocrisy of telling women that we're all beautiful, no matter our shape or size, but then has a super model on the front cover along with

Years back I remember reading a magazine (I cannot, for the life of me, remember which one) but there was an article on a woman surviving her eating disorder, another on accepting ourselves for who we are and then an advertorial on how to lose 100kg's in a week. The moral of the story for me was regardless of the product or the message, the magazine will run the ad if they’re receiving money. My first thought was (and I suppose it’s easier said than done) a responsible editor or sub-editor would have made the decision to move the ad OR better yet, decline it.

Anyway, back to Marie Claire’s November issue. As part of their Body Issue they challenged local ad agencies to create adverts which will be featured in the magazine. The concept is to let women know, that no matter what shape they’re in (or not), they’re still beautiful.

Ogilvy Cape Town’s response was to create a tape measure with a difference. Instead of measuring size, all the cm measurements have been replaced with positive adjectives so no matter what size, the outcome is always beautiful.

The Jupiter Drawing Room was also involved in creating an ad for Marie Claire’s November Body Issue challenge. The agency sent in an all girl team – from client service to DTP – to get the job done. These two ads are the result drawing from the team’s personal experience and featuring women from the agency.

The concept's great, the intentions are even greater. But as a woman still struggling with the remains of anorexia and hearing some people refer to my toddler as fat, I personally a feel a lot more should be done to promote healthy bodies as opposed to body shapes and sizes. Of course I'm not an idiot and I understand that gorgeous women sell magazines, sell products and brands as well as lifestyles. I'm also very aware that I'm never going to feature on the front cover of a magazine and that I'll never look like the women who do. The point I'm trying to make is if you're going to have a body issue, celebrating women in their real and glorious forms then put your **** and the block and use real women, from beginning to end and don't send mixed messages to love the body you've got but then offer a prize to freeze the fat off of that very same body.

As well intended as the magazine and the agencies message seems to be, I still find the duplicity hard to swallow, almost as hard as those darn diet pills…

Know the lumps in your lady humps...

It's breast cancer awareness month and if the campaign doesn't make you stop and check your breasts, the universe will.

On Monday I started feeling a rather uncomfortable pain in my right breast. I assumed it would get better and left it at that. Tuesday the pain was still there, with a swelling around my nipple and a strange discharge. Still, I assumed things would clear up on their own.

This morning I took a quick look at it's sore and swollen and hot...not like in check-out-my-hot-boobs hot, but rather somethings wrong and my lady hump has a fever. I asked Mark if he could check and see if he felt anything strange, but as a man he immediately cupped both and said something along the lines of "mmmmmmm, they seem alright to me!"

As soon as Esther walked in I asked her to have a look. There's a distinct lumpy feeling and I wanted to check if she picked it up too. She felt it straight away and insisted that I make a doctor's appointment there and then. What amazed me is when she told me that every Saturday morning she lies on her back and checks for any strange lumps and bumps. Wow, I thought, I can't remember when last I did that.

The problem I have with my boobs is that they're quite lumpy anyway. So it's hard to tell if it's a good lump or a bad one. I've had mammograms from early on because of the nature of the breast but to be very honest I've haven't had a check up in a while. 

I made an appointment with the doctor this morning and she has sent me off for a sonar and a mammogram. She thinks it might just be an infection in one of the ducts, but given my age (how I hate hearing that lately) and the fact that two aunts have been diagnosed with breast cancer (one survived, the other sadly didn't), the doc's not messing around...

Dr. Smook (yes, that's her name - could be a character in a Dr. Seuss book) is a bit strange. She swears (a lot), smokes (a lot) and I wouldn't be surprised if she drank (a lot). But she's sweet and I feel comfortable with her. She kindly called Sunninghill Hospital to see if the necessary specialist was there and would be able to see me. The receptionist put her through to the rooms and Dr. Smook started with "I have a patient who has a sore breast, seems to be lumpy, has a history of breast cancer in the family.....oh, hang on, is that not Dr. Lipschitz's rooms? Oh I've come through to the gastroenterologist. Well a pipe up her a** isn't going to sort out her boob, is it?"

Anyway, I have an appointment on Friday at 12h15 to check out the lump in my lady hump. Until then I have some antibiotics to take. Not penicillin. I'm allergic to that. But some other antibiotic which apparently can result in damage to my Achilles heel should I run fast or sprint. Like that ever happens? Rest assured, there's no way either of that's going to happen so for now I'll focus on my my rather inflamed eina nipple.

Loving you is as easy as A B C

Reading one of my favourite blogs this morning I came across this post and thought I'd try my hand at it too. Thanks http://colourgiggles.wordpress.com/2011/10/21/the-a-z-of-us/ for the idea xxx


A is for Arachnophobia...you are petrified of spiders even though you were singing "incy wincy spider" at 14 months. Actions and all

B is Balloons...you love your balloons my little girl. We have them around the house all the time

C is for Curly hair...as a little baby you had the softest hair, like little bird feathers and now it's curly and perfect...just like you

D is for Daddy...you adore your daddy and your daddy adores you. You are the apple of his eye, the light of his life, the tomato sauce to his hot dog

E is for Esther...your goggo, your friend and a very important member of our family

F is for Fun...it's fun being with you. You're funny and you make me and dad smile all the time with your cute little antics

G is for Grateful...we are so grateful that of all the people in the all the world, you chose us to be your mommy and daddy. We are grateful to the angels for working their magic

H is for Hello Kitty...if there's one thing we share it's a love for the gorgeous feline. No matter what it is, if it's got Hello Kitty on it it's in our house

I is for Ice lollies...you have a love-hate relationship with these. You hate having to hold it yourself because they're 'chilly' but you're more than happy to eat mine

J is for Jumping castles...you love jumping castles or at least the idea of them. You dream about them, you talk about them until you get close to one and then you're too nervous to go on it

K is for Kayooooot...everything you see that takes your fancy, from our 4 dogs to a tiny little baby, you exclaim "Kayoooooooooot"

L is for Love...I thought I knew what love was until you came along. We love you more today than we did yesterday, but nowhere near as much as we'll love you tomorrow

M is for Mom / Melinda...I am your mom, mommy and mamma. To other people I am Emma's mom or Mamma Emma and it's a title I wear with pride and absolute joy (M is also for Mark, your daddy)

N is for Notes...what started off as one little note has become a series. Every morning we write a little note for your lunch box, which Teacher Jen reads to you. We're saving each and every one for your memory box

O is for Ohhhhhhhhhhh...another favourite expression of yours. If I say we're going to a birthday party you put your hand to your mouth, make a big round O and then go "oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh...will there be jumping castles?" If I tell you we're going to see Thabani or Max or Luca you do the same thing

P is for Perfect...that's what you are, in every single way

Q is for Quacking...you love your rubber duckies at bath time and one of the first songs I ever taught you (and that you added the sound effects) was Three Little Ducks Went Swimming One Day...

R is for Reading...you love reading and every story, no matter how it starts, has your own intro of "one pon time"

S is for Serendipity...we both love Serendipity on weekends. For so many reasons. We've both made the most wonderful friends and a weekend's just not complete without Thabani, Future, Thoko and Precious

T is for Tickles...you love being tickled. You laugh and howl and scream and yell "No more tickling, no more tickling!" until we stop. Then you demand to be tickled again

U is for Unbelievable...it's unbelievable how much our lives have changed in such a short space of time. From the time when it was just dad, me and the furry four-legged pets to our new family which includes the UNBELIEVABLE you! I look at photos of when you were a few weeks old and again I think how unbelievable it is that that teeny tiny little baby has blossomed into such a character filled little girl

V is for Vegetables...if only I could get you to eat them

W is for Winnie the Pooh...we love Winnie the Pooh. He's just a little bear but full of wisdom. At our wedding I put a few words together on my love for your daddy...as hard as I tried there was only one little bear that could say it best - “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” 

X is for X-Chromosome...which makes you a girl or a boy. Boys have one and girls have two and that's already what's special about you

Y is for Yes...the day daddy said "yes" we could bring you home was the day my world became a brighter, happier, sunnier place

Z is for Zest...you have a zest for life which is contagious

Future Proofing Your Child

“Stop the world, I want to get off!” is the regular refrain of time-pressured parents today. “Give me an experience and I’ll promise you a relationship,” is the mantra of their children. The world has changed. The future has changed. Childhood is changing. Raising children has never been more challenging – or potentially rewarding. Read Future Proofing Your Child for more...
Last night Emma and I were doing 'ballet'. I use the word loosely because there was Emma on her supposed tippy toes, arms ungracefully above her head twirling around. Me too. If a passer-by had looked through our front door they would have thought Emma and I were both a little tipsy the way we were falling around.

At the moment Emma's extra-mural activity is Be Sharp Beetles. We're also going to start swimming lessons for her soon, for some exercise and to be water-wise. As she gets older we'll add a few more activities. As her mom I don't want her day filled up with swimming and music lessons and dancing and art and and and...in my opinion (and just like chin hairs, we all have one) it's too much too soon for someone still coming to grips with their world. I don't want her to miss out on just being a toddler for now.

Having said that, just this morning I had said to Mark that I would love for Emma to learn chess. There are two reasons for this. Firstly research shows that chess is an inexpensive way of helping kids grow mentally. In this technologically driven world, Chess helps aid in the synthesis and growth of certain areas in the brain and mind where many children can benefit as they grow older from the game

Also it helps children to focus, visualize, think ahead, weigh up options, analyze concretely, think abstractly and plan. It teaches children a whole lot of skills while they're having fun.

Secondly, Emma would have to belong to the chess club at school making her 'nerdy, therefore making her less accessible to the 'jocks' on the playground. You see, I've thought ahead, I've weighed up options, I've thought abstractly, analyzed concretely and planned...

Mark was a little taken aback and said he would prefer for her to learn a language or a musical instrument, which I agree with, but I still think chess is a good idea.

I was still thinking about the kinds of activities that Emma would enjoy and still benefit from while driving to work. And the next thing John Robbie is introducing Nikki Bush, co-author of "Future Proofing Your Child". The book looks at the challenges parents face raising their children in a future we don't even understand. One of the things she said that really stood out for me is that our children will have jobs that we haven't even thought of yet and there's a chance that by the time they're 38 they would have had 10-14 jobs.

According to the book our children are going to have to ramp up their creativity as innovation will be the life-blood of companies in the future. With much more automation of jobs our children will have to be able to do that which computers can't - utilize creativity and imagination. She made mention that an MBA graduate might get one job offer, while an arts student will get 10, based on their creativity, the imagination and their ability to think outside the box.

We already know that being employed nowadays does not equal security. Companies can no longer promise you the security of a salary or a bonus because they can't guarantee employment. So we need a generation of children with entrepreneurial mindsets because many will be self-employed. Being an entrepreneur demands a very different skill set to being employed and this is something parents will have to nurture in their children.

Bush also says that children will need more than just grades to thrive in the future. They will need certain X-factors to be successful, including creativity, resilience, a love of learning, the ability to relate to others and self-knowledge. And these are things that cannot be taught in a classroom. It's no longer a case of DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO for parents with young children. They are sponges and learn visually so we have to change our mindset to DO AS I DO...

This immediately got me thinking about the kind of school we should look at for Emma. I find myself in a bit of a quandary with this, because if, like Nikki says, Emma could be doing something I haven't even imagined, then how do I know what kind of schooling she needs. It's no longer just about academics so we need to comsider schools that encourage free-thinking, creativity, imagination and exploration, like Waldorf and Montessori.

The interview on 702 was brief but I'm definitely going to get a copy of the book to find out more on how Mark and I can embrace this challenge and enjoy the ride with Emma.

12 Ways to Mess Up Your Kids

As a mom I'm always thinking of ways that I could potentially be messing up my child and I've realized there are so many. Shouting at them, maybe smacking them, creating food issues, no boundaries, too many boundaries...and on and on we go.

Then I found an article called "12 Ways to Mess Up Your Kids". Of course I thought I must be doing at least 14 of the 12 things wrong and so I got to reading it immediately...

Below is my summarized version. Click here for the full article -
Threaten to leave your kids behind - the threat of abandonment is deeply damaging to a child and so it's best not to use this tactic when they won't leave the park, get in the car, etc.

Lie to your child - a simple rule when dealing with children is not to lie to them. According to this article you shouldn't tell your child that the family pet is running around footloose and fancy free on some dream ranch when the truth is that the pet is dead. Using age-appropriate explanations is good and works well. Little ones especially don't need long explanations

Ignore your own bad behaviour - a lot of parents like to use the old adage "Do as I say, not as I do" but there's a lot of research to show that this doesn't work. Children learn by example so if you preach good manners then you got to 'live good manners'. If you want your children to be respectful, kind and caring adults then you've got to show them what kind, caring and respectful means...


Assume that what worked for your first - or for you - will work for your second - one size does not fit all when it comes to parenting. What works for your first born won't necessarily work for your second or third child. And expecting it to is putting a huge amount of stress on you and the child

Have a panic attack because your child broke a rule - most parents have a general idea of the things that are OK and aren't in their home, but what you do when when rules are broken can really make a difference between teaching your child a valuable lesson and simply making them angry and resentful. The bottom line is if you're raising your child in an environment that is supportive, loving and positive then the occasional 'no no' activity will not be the end of the world and won't have so large or negative an impact on your child's development

Think your baby shouldn't be babied - despite old school 'wisdom' it's virtually impossible to spoil your baby by being too attentive to their needs or holding them in your arms for much of the day. In fact, research shows that babies who receive more sensitive and responsive care become the more competent and independent toddlers.
For older kids there's a balance between being responsive and over-responsive to their needs. Should your toddler fall and scrape their knee they look to the parent immediately to see how they should respond. If a parent over reacts, so too will the child

Punish or scold your child when she acts out, hits or throw things - expressing anger, frustration, sadness by hitting or throwing things is perfectly normal behaviour for little ones. It's a way for kids with limited language and immature cognitive abilities to express emotion. Punishing them for doing this gives them the impression that having those emotions in the first place is wrong

Try to be your child's best friend rather than a parent - this is an easy mistake to make. Even parents want to be liked by their kids but it's important to always be the parent. If you can be authoritative as opposed to authoritarian you'll do way better with your kids

Fill your cupboards with junk food and skip family meals - in the fast paced world we live in it's easy to slip family meals or sit in front of the TV having dinner but research shows that families who eat together, at a table, are healthier, physically and mentally. It's not so much what's been eaten (though of course healthy is better) but it's the chatting about the day, catching up with one another and just being together that makes a huge difference

Don't walk: drive everywhere - this is sometimes easier said than done, especially living in JHB, but the point is to exercise. Go for a family walk in the park with the dogs or run around the back garden. Tell your kids to 'take a hike' in the nicest possible way...and take it with them

Think you bear sole responsibility - or none - for your child's development - we're all aware of the impact that our parenting has on our children, but sometimes it's easy to push that idea to the extreme, thinking that everything you do will have a make-or-break impact on your child's success. Becoming a guilt-ridden and intense parent is one sure way to mess your kids up. Even thought it's hard to swallow we have to realize that as important as we are in our child's life, we're not the only factor

Assume there is one way to be a good parent - we all read this article to learn some parenting disasters and tips but as mentioned already there is NO ONE SIZE FITS ALL when it comes to children and parents. Kids are different and there's a lot we can't change. What we can do is celebrate and delight in the distinct little personality that he or she is, and will grow into, in the years to come

Not so sweet 16

Today one very proud mommy is celebrating her daughter turning 16. As much as there's a very happy birthday wish in order for the birthday girl, there's also a high-five and an UBER LARGE congratulations to her parents, who have managed to raise a smart, well-mannered, level-headed daughter.

When I was growing up, back in the day, before fire was invented, my parents biggest concerns were that I would start smoking, maybe drink and get drunk, fall pregnant (boy, talking about counting your ovaries before they hatch - if we knew then, what we knew know, THAT concern would have saved them many a sleepless night) or smoke some weed. If we could get through these molehills, without them becoming mountains, then they had done a good job.

The things parents have to deal with nowadays boggle the mind and shiver the timbers. From young children committing suicide thanks to bullying (cyber or other), nude pics of your child ending up on the internet, the too-fast paced of technology that leaves children confused beyond their years, drugs, abduction, rape, rape drugs, alcohol, peer pressure, depression thanks to a very competitive world, AIDS, the wrong role-models, the pressure to look a certain way, the list is long. The problems we face as parents is even longer.

My ex-boyfriend's mom was a school teacher for many years and with her experience, patience and love of children, she put a lot of time and effort in raising her two boys, to be the best THEY could be. She instilled a sense of self confidence (not arrogance) that would not be swayed by peer pressure. She gave them an amazing belief in themselves, empowering them to make decisions and to stick with them, never doubting themselves or their decisions.

I often ask parents of (normal) teenager children what their secret to success is and the answer is always the same. Trust, open communication, no judgement and boundaries - enough to keep them safe but not too much that they don't experience life first-hand...

This is a toast to all the sweet 16's out there today but also to the moms, dads, extended families and communities that helped raise you to be the best YOU can be xxxx

The Wizard of Oz birthday party

Believe it or not, Emma's birthday is only in May but I'm already 'stressing' about party ideas, where, what, how, why, who, etc...

My favourite party blog is Kara's Party Ideas and today I spotted this one. Let me say straight off, there is no way I'd ever put a party like this together. Every single detail has been thought of, it's absolutely beautiful and it looks like no expense was spared. AT ALL.

Emma has a choice, either a birthday party that will be the envy of all her pals or an education. It's not going to be both.

But this is so pretty, I couldn't resist...and for a moment I wished I could click my red shoes together and throw a bash like this, in Kansas or anywhere else...visit Wizard of Oz for more images