Wednesday, 18 April 2012

I'm getting divorced

Yup, a relationship that has been based on love, trust, honesty and openness has come to an end.

We used to make each other happy but it's no longer the case. Now we're two ships in the night, passing one another without so much as a word. The things I once loved I now despise and what made us tick is now a ticking time bomb.

I'm sad it's come to this. We've been together for 16 years or so. We've been through thick and thin together and we've stuck by one another when the going got tough. We hugged and laughed when I fell pregnant and we wept together when I lost the baby. We oohed and aahed over Emma and celebrated her arrival.

We watched as she went from a little doughy thing to a slightly bigger doughy thing. We watched in awe as she started sitting on her own and burst with pride when she crawled. It goes without saying we toy toyed around the lounge as she took her first steps and and glowed brighter than the sun when she said our names for the very first time.

It's sad to think we've become another statistic. One more partnership to join the sinking ship of fools. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through it and I have no idea how I'm going to explain it to Emma. Ben's too young to understand and there hasn't been too much bonding time. In fact he's part of the reason this relationship has come to an end.

Looking back I should have seen the signs. Ben seemed to be an irritation, an unnecessary addition to our family. His teeny tiny little body seemed to fill the room and there was no longer enough space for all of us. Words like 'naughty', 'terrible' and 'horrible' were used in reference to him and it hurt me more and more.

The cherry on top was when I mentioned going back to work. That we'd need to discuss what would work best for Ben and everyone else. You said you'd need a day or two to think about it, which I found strange, but I gave you that. It seems I gave too much our entire relationship. Suddenly my interests didn't matter anymore. It was now all about you.

Knowing this still didn't ease the disappointment when two days later you announced that you weren't prepared to look after Ben once my maternity leave was over. You didn't offer much more of an explanation. You said you had done it with Emma and you weren't prepared to put yourself through the same stress with baby no. 2.

Sadly, we've passed a point of no return. The plan is that we sit down on Friday to discuss options and how we can move forward. Mark and I want to hear your suggestions. We want to find out how you think this can work. We're not talking at the moment - I can't understand why you wouldn't cherish the time with this beautiful little boy and you obviously think I'm out of my mind not seeing your point of view. Today you left via the back door, without a goodbye or a go to hell. Regardless of our chat on Friday I don't see a way forward.

I'm not in a position to employ a nanny AND a cleaning lady. Ben's too small to be put into a day care  and it's not something I'd consider anyway. Not now. Not at all. After all is said and done and whatever's decided on, you've already said you don't want to look after him so I'd have to be a complete idiot to think he's going to get the best possible care with you.

And so dear Esther, I think the time has come for us to part ways. Your leaving definitely feels like a divorce. We're losing a member of our family and it hurts. We have been with you as you celebrated the birth of your grandchildren and mourned the loss of your son. You've been there for Emma's first and second birthday and every other momentous occasion in our lives. We are thankful for your dedication and commitment and for the love you have shown Emma but I cannot overlook the fact that you don't and won't show Ben the same amount...

So after all this time, all that's been shared, I wish you well and hope you wish the same for me x

6 comments:

  1. Sjoe. ((Hugs)). I kind of know the feeling, long story, but I think (however hard it may seem now) that there is someone much better out there, that will love your children almost more than you, and have so much pride in her cleaning abilities, that you will wonder how you ever coped without her. But for now - I send you lots of wine, hugs and chocolate

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  2. For one moment I had a very very heavy heart. But I do know yo guys will find the perfect new person to fit the job.

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  3. Leanne @leannerees19 April 2012 01:44

    It seems to me that Esther's just tired - how else can someone notw ant to look after your beautiful Ben? Good luck friend x

    PS I had to scan down before reading the whole piece to make sure it wasn't you and Mark parting ways - I nearly lost my breath!

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  4. Strange to say, but glad to hear it is the nanny and not your husband ;-) (You had us going there...)

    Totally agree that you can't leave him in her care when she is not willing!

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  5. How horrible :-( it took me months and months to find someone to replace Precious - those were trying times...

    However, Sandra is amazing and J absolutely loves her!

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