You know you're a mom when you watch your partner shit, shower and shave every morning while you shit, shower OR shave
You have mastered picking things up with your toes
Holding a baby in one hand, a bottle in the other while you carry your toddler on a hip pushing her toy pram is all part of multi-tasking. You'd be able to do more if only you could train your clitoris to send smses
You know you're a mother when you stop thinking or saying out loud 'my child would NEVER do that'
The battery on your kindle ran flat 6 months ago and you haven't noticed
You know you're a mom when you describe your dishevelled look as confidently casual, your hairstyle as 'wash & go' and your unshavenness as 'bohemian'
You know you're a mom when you live on protein and diet shakes cos you don't have time to chew your food
The closest you get to a pamper is a nappy when you're a mom
You know you're a mother when you find yourself feeling very sorry for your own parents
You're definitely a mom when you say things like 'when I was growing up...'
You know you're a mom when sentences start and end with "because I said so!"
You find yourself explaining that 'sticking your finger in your bum will not push your belly button out. No love, it's not broken.'
You know you're a mom when you stare in wonder at the Dove ad for softer underarms. Who cares about soft underarms?
You're a mom when you only download games you can play with one hand
You don't care about bringing sexy back when you're a mom
Only a mom will have a Spur loyalty club card in their purse
You know you're a mom when you cut your colleague's lunch into smaller pieces and when you order Coco the Clown pudding at a work dinner
You know you're a mom when you truly truly appreciate the simple things in life. Like sleep
You know you're a mom when your moves to get a baby to sleep or stop crying are more bootylicious than Beyonce's
You're a mom when you go 'green' not out of conscience but out of convenience
You know you're getting old when your breasts look more tired than...Oh crap. Wrong post!
You know you're a mom when you post the wrong posts because you're too tired, too drained and don't give a f*** to care
You know you're a mom when you look forward to your pap smear and mammogram cos it's the only time you have alone
You're a mom when you pray to live one more day just so you can share it with your children
When you watch your heart growing up before your eyes you know you're a mom