Monday, 2 April 2012

You know you're a mom (part2)

You know you're a mom when you watch your partner shit, shower and shave every morning while you shit, shower OR shave

You have mastered picking things up with your toes

Holding a baby in one hand, a bottle in the other while you carry your toddler on a hip pushing her toy pram is all part of multi-tasking. You'd be able to do more if only you  could train your clitoris to send smses

You know you're a mother when you stop thinking or saying out loud 'my child would NEVER do that'

The battery on your kindle ran flat 6 months ago and you haven't noticed

You know you're a mom when you describe your dishevelled look as confidently casual, your hairstyle as 'wash & go' and your unshavenness as 'bohemian'

You know you're a mom when you live on protein and diet shakes cos you don't have time to chew your food

The closest you get to a pamper is a nappy when you're a mom

You know you're a mother when you find yourself feeling very sorry for your own parents

You're definitely a mom when you say things like 'when I was growing up...'

You know you're a mom when sentences start and end with "because I said so!"

You find yourself explaining that 'sticking your finger in your bum will not push your belly button out.  No love, it's not broken.'

You know you're a mom when you stare in wonder at the Dove ad for softer underarms. Who cares about soft underarms?

You're a mom when you only download games you can play with one hand

You don't care about bringing sexy back when you're a mom

Only a mom will have a Spur loyalty club card in their purse

You know you're a mom when you cut your colleague's lunch into smaller pieces and when you order Coco the Clown pudding at a work dinner

You know you're a mom when you truly truly appreciate the simple things in life. Like sleep

You know you're a mom when your moves to get a baby to sleep or stop crying are more bootylicious than Beyonce's

You're a mom when you go 'green' not out of conscience but out of convenience

You know you're getting old when your breasts look more tired than...Oh crap. Wrong post!

You know you're a mom when you post the wrong posts because you're too tired, too drained and don't give a f*** to care

You know you're a mom when you look forward to your pap smear and mammogram cos it's the only time you have alone

You're a mom when you pray to live one more day just so you can share it with your children

When you watch your heart growing up before your eyes you know you're a mom

10 comments:

  1. LOL! You are brilliant - spot on and so funny! Posts like this should come with a warning though: Do not read while drinking.
    When I read your description of multi-tasking, I snorted tea through my nose all over my new laptop!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am going to print these out and plaster them on my wall....xoxo I am ROFL!

    ReplyDelete
  3. LUV your post - SPOT ON.
    Thanks to Tracy (up top) for the link to your dairy. I'm sure that lots of other mommies wil be following you from now on.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bwahahahaha, sms's with your clit? Thats the best one...I'm laughing so hard I'm about to pee myself.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes, you are definitely a mom! ;-)
    Thanks for the laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for the laughs - but I never can do the no 1. The shoit part thereof. The kids, yes, the hubby - nope! Never! I have my boundaries.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I also came here via the link Tracy posted. I laughed so hard at the idea of looking forward to a pap smear for some private time.

    ReplyDelete
  8. you know you are a mom when you sit on the couch... bursting out with laughter at every single sentence without worrying if someone will wake up - because actually, you just don't care.

    This was brilliant writing!!!!

    you are doing a great job!!! (Just saying).

    still laughing over here - brilliant! xx

    ReplyDelete