We don't have a live-in helper. Mark says there's no space in the house and we don't have what estate agents refer to as SQ's. I've suggested she live in our garden shed but Mark's mentioned human rights issues or something. So when we go out we have to get to someone to come in.
We usually use the services of the same lady but she wasn't available on Saturday night so we got one of the teaching assistant's at Emma's school to help out. She's 19 years old and trying to pay her way through a Montessori teaching course, which I'm more than happy to contribute towards.
When she arrived Mark showed her around, explaining where the tea, coffee, sugar, food, nappies, etc are. He also took her through the workings of the essentials, like the various TV remotes. He also showed her the special hiding places to look in case any on of the aforementioned TV remotes went missing.
Once Mark was done I started with the how, what, when and where of Emma and Ben. Like their bed times, their bath times, Emma's dinner, Ben's milk, bedtime stories and the rest and as I was going through the list I realized I was telling a few pearlers. Little white lies you might say. Like "I'm so sorry, the house never looks like this! It was spotless up until a few minutes ago and then outta nowhere a little tornado swept through the lounge and the kitchen! Yes, unbelievably, just the lounge and the kitchen!"
And then there's a few more...
Emma NEVER goes to sleep late. I'd never allow it.
What! She didn't want her vegetables! Shut the front door! She ALWAYS eats her veggies!
You are kidding me? She used the remote and found Nickelodeon and Disney Jnr all on her own. Are you sure? Maybe it was just a fluke.
I don't even know how she knows what a TV does. We never have it on.
The bathroom isn't normally this messy. You know that tornado I mentioned earlier? Well I remember now...it hit the lounge, kitchen and bathroom.
Ben will be no hassle at all. He'll probably sleep the entire time.
We won't be late!
What? Emma sat on the coffee table watching Madagascar Penguins? Get outta here! She knew the DVD word for word? She referred to your butt as a 'keester'? I'm shocked! She's never done any of that with us. Ever!
Emma will go to bed with no problems at all.
Did I say we won't be late?