At seven my life changed forever. I was sexually abused. I could have told someone but I chose not to. I chose to protect my mom, my dad, my family.
I think I prayed that someone would pick up on any signs but way back
then it wasn't discussed too much and people weren't aware.
I'm still not brave enough to go into too much detail of the how, the
when, the what and the who but I can tell you it lasted for ten years
and it happened regularly, at least three to four times a week. I can
also tell you it forever changed the person I am. I often wonder who the
Melinda would be if it hadn't happened. But it did and this is me.
In my years of therapy I've had mixed responses. I've gotten sympathy
and empathy but I've also been 'accused' of liking it. After all I let
it go on for so long.
It goes without saying that I am over sensitive and aware of the ever
present danger of it happening to Emma. To the extent of being paranoid.
I am over aware of how I give Emma a bath and when it comes to cleaning her little girl bits I invariably let her do it. After all an abused person
becomes an abuser, don't they?
And so recently when she started complaining about her 'front bum' being
sore my mind went into over drive. I did consider thrush, chafing or an
infection and I even asked a fellow mom and friend about the possible causes of a
sore 'front bum'. Her and Mark's explanation of what could possibly be
wrong put my mind at ease. For a short while.
Until her principal mentioned changes in Emma's behaviour at school.
From an always easy going child she has become aggressive, hitting out
at friends and teachers, throwing temper tantrums and being very
emotional. She (the principal) suggested that maybe Emma's not getting
enough 'mommy time' or that Ben is possibly getting a lot more of our
attention. I'm not sure about this. Mark and I have been very aware of
making sure Emma doesn't feel left out. We smother her with love and
kisses and the day ends with cuddle time in our bed.
I've decided to take Emma to our paed. I'm imagining the worst and praying that I'm over reacting.
Am I over reacting?