I'm in a quandary. And no, it's not a threesome

For the longest time I've been at a crossroads in terms of what I want to be doing, work wise, living wise. I'm 40 and I'm tired of doing the same old thing I've been doing for the last 20 years.

At the end of every year, when we're on holiday and my mind has a chance to breathe I come up with the most wonderful ideas of what I'm going to do, how I'm going to do it and my whole life is going to change for the better. And then I get back to life, to reality and I find myself in the same hamster wheel, going AROUND and AROUND and AROUND and AROUND. Until the next year.

At the moment I freelance, which gives me some extra time with my family but I'm still not happy. I'm still reporting to people. I'm still on someone else's clock. I'm on their payroll. Twenty years on and I'm still being appraised, praised and criticised by someone else. It's tiring. And I'm not alone. Today I read Champers and Sushi post and realised a lot of us are looking for that something...that spark, that light, that little bit of oomph!

I know I don't want to be doing what I'm doing. I know that I want to be doing little parties and run a little something of my own. I know that the frenetic pace of Jo'burg is slowly killing my soul and I know I no longer have the same love for my little city of gold. My years of climbing the corporate ladder are over. I don't want staff reporting to me and I don't want to be reporting to anyone. I'm too old to be waiting for a pat on the back or a rap over the knuckles. I'm tired of my self esteem taking an enormous knock based on another person's perception of my worth.

Recently I met my friend Kagiso for a coffee. Our little girls were having a play date and we got some time to chat. I love Kagiso. She is smart, beautiful and a published author of The Goddess Bootcamp, a book aimed at injecting a WOWness into your life. During our chat she said "work gets in the way of what I really want to be doing". She then went on to explain the vicious cycle we get into from the time we finish school. We go to varsity or college and we get a degree or diploma. We also get into debt paying off our loan. We then find a job and buy a house. We then need stuff to out in the house and so we get into more debt.

And as the years pass we accumulate more and more crap, most of which we don't need. We earn more money and 'need' a bigger car, a fancier car. We need a bigger house with a bigger garage for our bigger car and so it goes. Until we die. I don't want that any more. Not for me. And it's a cycle I don't want my children to inherit.

So I'm making changes. Whether it's moving out of Fourways or out of Jo'burg. If it means packing up bags and moving to a little town in order for me to feed my soul, as opposed to trying to satiate my ego with material things that don't mean a thing.

Here's to new beginnings xxx