Mother Eraser

To quote the Spice Girls, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want...I want a giant eraser to get rid of the giant mistakes I make every day as a mom.

Before I had kids I had a whole lot to say about unruly tykes, out of control children, helpless and useless parents and how I would do things so differently.

I'd be a combination of Mary Poppins and Nanny McPhee. I'd be strict, but not too much. I'd be a pal and a confidante and I'd win awards for Mom of the Year.

My kids would look like they had stepped out of print ads and they would be polite, conscientious and all round adorable. We'd be the picture perfect poster family with people wanting to be us, to have what we have. In my dreams I'd be interviewed about raising the perfect off spring, on my devil may care attitude while running a home, a successful business, keeping a husband happy and my above average intelligent tots.

I would be sought after to give motivational talks on how to get through the onederful ones, the terrible twos, threes, fours and fives and the trying tween and teen years. Yup! That was me.

The reality is I'm a crap mom. On a daily basis I make a giant mistake of some kind. Some of the smaller ones have turned into bigger ones, too big for the biggest eraser to get rid of.

I have a little girl who throws tantrums, who rules the roost and who speaks her mind. I haven't gotten her to sleep through the night yet and there is no 7pm bed time in our house. She doesn't eat veggies or drink enough water in a day. Most times I'm wrapped around her finger and she knows it.

I have a little boy who doesn't sleep through the night nor does he nap a lot during the day. He has fallen off the couch because I turned away for a minute and he's had a fair share of lumps and bumps from a child unfriendly house.

Emma has fallen down our stairs and she's fallen up them too. I'm told that neither of them have a routine and that's my biggest mistake. They've choked on something I've given them to munch on and both have slipped in the bath. Ben's woken up covered in mosquito bites because I didn't put insect repellant on him and he's scratched the sores open.

Emma leaves the house without shoes on, hair unbrushed and on occasion the clothes she's worn the day before. Ben has gone a night without a bath and I have left the house unbathed, unbrushed hair and the previous day's clothes on.

There's been times I've flipped my lid, gotten my (day-old) knickers in a knot and wigged out. I've been frazzled and fried and I've stripped my moer. Some days the only thing that's helped me keep my shit together is a disposable nappy bag.

I've scolded Emma when I shouldn't have and done nothing when action was needed. I've been looked at for reprimanding my child and had more looks for NOT reprimanding her.

I'm definitely not the mom I hoped or dreamed I would be. I'm painfully aware of this. Daily. Hourly. Sometimes minute by minute.

As opposed to THAT other saint, I'm Mother Eraser.