I'm a mom. Take my dignity and vanity too!

A few years back I was a victim of a 'smash & grab'. I didn't go into work for days afterwards. Not because I was traumatized. My make-up bag had been stolen in the 'grab' bit and there was no way I was going into the office bare-faced.

Fast forward to 2013 and I find myself running into shops braless, make-up less and bed headed to replace a missing dummy, buy emergent formula or cupcakes for bake sales days. Along with my freedom and sanity, motherhood has stolen my dignity and vanity.

And that's the thing with moms breast feeding in public or wiping snot on their sleeves or eating left over baby food. It's not that we're purposely trying to offend or gross anyone out, it's just that we're not even aware we're doing it. And I think it starts from the moment we decide to start a family.

I found myself in positions that would make a spatchcock chicken blush. I've had put things put in you know where for God knows what. I've been turned upside down during surgery and have had people literally see the deepest darkest parts of me. I've raced through peak time morning traffic with a glass container 'filled' with my husband's sperm and I've peed on my hand while peeing into every conceivable sized cylinder.

Nowadays I leave the house with mismatched shoes or pee stains on my pants. I've had people looking at the green blotch on my t shirt, wondering whether its avocado, snot or teething poo. Putting on a dress I've noticed only one shaved leg and I've mastered what kind of shave I need. The half armpit shave for T-shirts, the full armpit shave for sleeveless tops, the stop-at-the-knee shave, the anklet and the full leg (though I haven't achieved one of these in four years).

I've walked around shops with pen drawings all over my arms and I've looked 'startled' all day thanks to the eyebrows Emma's given me with a permanent marker.

Along with sleep deprivation, naughty corners and phrases like 'because I said so' motherhood also robs us of our pride, our dignity and vanity.