Is it worth it?

Parenthood is hard most days. It's even harder when your physical, emotional and financial reserves are at their lowest.

And there's some days when a selfish little voice inside my head whispers "remember when..."

Remember when you could lie in bed all day, sick or not, and just veg. Your bedside table was stacked with a choice of reads and unhealthy snacks.

Remember when a weekend was indeed that and lunch dates with friends weren't decided by child friendly venues.

Remember the challenge-free days that didn't include thinking chairs, time out corners and naughty mats. Remember not having to read the same fairy tale over and over again. And again. With expression. Not skipping a page.

Remember when going to the loo was a private thing, not a family outing that included a running a commentary and a toilet brush being shoved in between your legs.

Remember when the only person you had to worry about was yourself. From what to eat to what to wear to what do.

Remember when a quick weekend away was possible and a holiday didn't include military type planning.

Those were the days. Or were they?

I've been battling the black lung for a week now and needed some time out. So today Mark took care of Ben and Emma joined a friend on a play date. And I slept and got some rest but I missed my family. I missed the 'drama'. I couldn't wait for Emma to get back.

And tonight, after she 'read' me a bedtime story and we lay side by side, I was still asking myself if it's all worth it. Whether this is the life I'd choose if I got to do it over again. And a little hand found mine and a sweet little voice whispered "love you mama".

And the selfish voice was stilled because the answer is quite simply yes. It's all worth it.