2013. My annus horribilis

I, along with loads of other people, am thrilled to see the back of 2013. It was a year I'd like to forget for a number of reasons.

It was my annus horribilis.

As a family we lost an important matriarch, financially I suffered, and as a result my family did too. I battled with my health physically and on an emotional level I was beaten down a hundred, no, a thousand times. I went to dark places in my head and considered suicide far too many times, certain I'd be doing my family a huge favour. 

There were small glimpses of hope that kept me going and occasionally I realised the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't necessarily an oncoming train. And in my darkest moments it was my family that kept me together. 

My husband stood by me and encouraged me to try and try again. Emma kept me laughing when I thought all was lost and Ben, well he is an amazing little boy who, through his learning and discovering the world around him, taught me how to tackle situations and life. 

So for 2014 I will try and live my life according to the world of my two children. Emma and Ben.

I will dance with abandon and delight. In the rain, in the lounge, in the nude or with a bright pink tutu. I will dance in good times and in bad. I will dance to celebrate, to commemorate and for no darn reason at all

I will approach every situation with a sense of wonder. I will look at each new moment the way Emma and Ben do, with excitement, with wonder and in awe

I will be fearless. I have watched Ben take on brand new situations, fearless and determined. There has been no hesitation in his steps or in his eyes and he has conquered 

I will believe in magic. The way Emma does. And I will believe in the everyday miracles I'm surrounded by

I will love unconditionally, honestly and openly. I will hug hard and squeeze tight. I will be quick to apologise and forgive and I will forget and move on

I will laugh, cry, giggle and sob. I will feel and experience situations for what they are and go with the flow

I will be honest with myself and those around me and I will celebrate my little achievements with a cupcake or two, a sparkler and a party hat

I will be open to friendships and understand them for what they are. I will be quick to compliment and slow to judge 

I will colour outside the lines, draw tigers  with spots, leopards with stripes and and zebras that are pink and purple

I will only look forward. I will not dwell on the past. I will not sulk about the what if's and if only's and rather focus on the can be's and can do's

2013. My annus horribilis. I survived you with a chink in my armour and a bit of a limp in my step. But you didn't destroy me. You didn't win. You showed me I am stronger than I thought I ever could be. I have bounced back to fight another day, face another year.

Here's to 2014. My annus mirabilis!