A lesson in life

Last night I went berserk. Like actually stark raving mad. Emma was in the bath. Ben was with me. He decided he wanted to bath with 'ceecee', Ben's nickname for his big sister.

It has been a long day, and from the moment they got home from school, it was a constant ebb and flow of playing together and nearly killing each other. I had tried talking, reasoning, threatening and bribing, none successful. 

By the time the moon was in the sky, my mood was low. I was tired, emotionally, physically. I was trying to get through a was load of work, stressing about things that still needed to be done. And then Ben gave a blood curdling scream. As I ran into the bathroom Emma was in the process of throwing a bucket of water at Ben. 

He was screeching that Emma had pulled his willy sore. And I lost it. I screamed STOP! JUST STOP! DID YOU PULL HIS WILLY? As I was screeching I knew I sounded insane. At a different time, in a different situation, I'd be giggling about the things parents find themselves saying. But I was out of control. 

Emma just looked. Ben just looked. Mark just looked. I walked out, not wanting to do any more damage. 

A little while later I went to Emma. I asked what she was watching and in her usual cheery voice she answered 'Paw Patrol'. 

"I'm sorry Emma."

"For what?"

"For shouting like that. It's not an excuse but I'm tired and I don't feel great. But it's still not okay that I lost my temper."

"It's ok mommy. I always love you. No matter what. Wanna watch 'Paw Patrol' with me?"

In an instant I learnt about forgiveness, unconditional love and the power of saying sorry. 

As an aside, today a friend of a friend said goodbye to her little boy. He had fought a brave battle against cancer, but today he closed his eyes for the last time. I cannot even begin to comprehend what his family is going through. I don't know how you say goodbye to your child, your baby. I have no idea how you begin again, how you wake up the next day. And the day after that. 

What I do know is the next time I want to rant and rave like a woman possessed, I need to remind myself that I am blessed, and nothing, absolutely nothing, is ever so bad that I need to behave the way I did.