We talk about granny often, and after one holiday, she had put a little photo album together in true Dawn style, with gawdy stickers and little notes, capturing what was going to be one of our last Christmases with her. Of all the things she passed onto Emma, from a friendship necklace, to little trinkets Emma loved, this album is, without a doubt, Emma's favorite possession.
Some nights, instead of a story, Emma sits and pages through the photos, and recollects moments with her granny. She remembers a lot and reminds us of things we've forgotten already. She occasionally asks if she can take it to school with her, which we're a little reluctant to do, just in case it gets lost. And what I love, is how we all keep granny's memory alive.
Ben doesn't remember her too much. He was just going on a year when she left us. But we have pictures of her with him around the house and I often have to share bed space with Ben and 'granny angel', who I might add is a whole lot larger in the afterlife, given the amount of space I'm allowed.
Emma often asks about heaven and whether her granny is there. She also guesses as to what her granny does up there all the time and if she's fine.
Like most children her age, Emma is trying to get her head around concepts, especially abstract ones, and she's trying to make sense of them in her own way. And so we talk about why people die, what happens when they do and what we think heaven is.
I said to her I think heaven is made up of all our favourite things and moments. Maybe times when we were really happy. Like the day I married Mark. Or the day I first met her. Maybe it's the day she took her first steps or spoke her first words. Heck, it could've been varsity days, with no cares in the world, no bills to pay, no people to please.
Hell, on the other hand, would be my worst moments, relived, over and over again. Days with horrible bosses or work colleagues, sitting through Exco meetings. It could be the feeling of been dumped for the first time. That empty, all encompassing pain that takes over every waking moment.
For granny to be in her idea of heaven, she would be in a huge garden surrounded by birds and chameleons and she'd get to spend all her time doing that. Or she could be taking a long walk on the beach with Emma and Ben, looking for shells and building sand castles. It could be something as simple as sitting doing her nails with Emma on her lap, having chats about nothing in particular and everything at once. Granny was easy to please, and wherever and whatever her heaven is, she's happy.
I asked Emma what her heaven would be like. And the list was endless:
A never ending party with cupcakes and face painters
Playing with friends
Swimming in the sea
Singing her favourite songs
Time with me, time with dad
Story time
No bedtimes
No vegetables, only sweets that are healthy
Coloring in
Riding her bike
And so I realized I get to experience little moments of heaven everyday with Emma and Ben. It's not events, but rather moments. And for that I am truly grateful.
RIP granny Dawn xxx
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