Mom, dad, I am SO sorry

This apology has been a long time coming. And it's way overdue. Mom, dad, I am SO sorry for been the kid my kids probably are at the moment. 

I don't know if my brothers and I fought as much as Emma and Ben do, but if we did, I am SO sorry that we made you part referee part bouncer for at least 17 years.

I am sorry we fought about an imaginary line in the car on long trips. And that we nearly killed each other over I Spy! I'm sorry that playing the 'license plate' game invariably ended up in near death situations. 

Mom, dad, I'm hoping we got on for at least five minutes at a time. I'm sorry if we didn't. I'm sorry if everything was a negotiation, a deal, a bribe, a high 5 scenario. I am SO sorry if nothing was ever done without terms and conditions. 

I am sorry if I made you question your parenting abilities from sunrise to sun down. And if I gave you sleepless nights wondering how much more you could possibly take before taking that one way trip. I'm sorry if at times loving me seemed more like a chore. And if sometimes endless chores were more fun than hanging out with me. 

Mom and dad. I am so sorry that I made you often wonder whether I was in fact yours. Because the alternative seemed so much better. I'm sorry for been THAT child who whined and moaned about everything. All the time. 

I hope you didn't feel the way about parenting I feel right now. That it's a thankless, soul destroying job, with the only light at the end of the tunnel being an oncoming train. Parenting's hard. But parenting during the holidays is f***ing impossible. 

Dad. I now understand what you meant when you said 'mom went mad so I shot her!' Mom, I also understand 'I'll thrash you to within an inch of your life' and 'no one will hear your screams!'

And I definitely get 'if God has a sense of humour you'll get the kind of child you were'. I got them mom. They're mine dad. And I'm SO sorry