Dear Santa...

I can't say I've been very good this year. In fact I can't even say I've been good at it. I've procrastinated on most things and have left Mark very frustrated - procrastinating, not not been good at it. In fact I even forgot to write you this year. Thankfully colourgiggles has her sh*t together and reminded me that it's THAT time of the year again. She deserves an extra gift just for that.

So anyway, my list isn't long. I mean I have my health and lots of love in my life BUT there are a few things missing. I hope I haven't left this too late because you might need some time to source a few of my requests. You'll be happy to see that a lot of the gifts are for other people, so I'm hoping my selflessness scores me a few extra points...

Firstly I would love a pair of PHOTOSHOP glasses. These are similar to 3D goggles but it makes one look as they have just stepped out the pages of a fashion magazine. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but sometimes the beholder needs a little help. If you could drop a pair off at my house, for the attention of Mark, I would be most appreciative

I was going to ask for a jar filled with humour and another one overflowing with libido. However our counter top already has loads of jars labelled 'health', 'happiness' and 'love' so I thought I'd ask for a jar of Inspiration - this should (hopefully) cover all bases

Next on my list I would love a magic wand! I'd be able to turn Emma's veggies into chocolate, making them healthy BUT tasty too. I would use it to get ears washed, nails clipped, snot cleaned and diapers changed. I would wave it over her bed at night so she can sleep through. Don't mean to sound ungrateful but that sandman thingymajig from last year hasn't worked at all. I would also use it to magically pull lost toys, socks, tupperware bowls and lids out of my a**. Please make sure batteries are included.

This might be a tough one, but if anyone can find it, you can. I'm looking for that invisible string that makes your reindeers fly. I need to hoist up my very low hanging boobs. The miracle cream you left last year hasn't worked. Hope I'm not being too cheeky asking for a little bit extra so I can do some darning on my-not-so-eighteen-year-old vajajay...

PS - There is a picture but it's invisible so you can't see it

Last but not least on my list for Christmas 2011, I was wondering if you'd be able to drop off a little brother for us. It would seem the womb G-d gave me is faulty.

Oh, and world peace, yes world peace for everyone...and love, health and happiness for all my friends. Let me know if these last two are too much for you. I'm happy to include them in my letter to G-d

ps - please don't traipse all that white sh*t through the house again. Last year it looked like Pete Doherty was your little helper...

Yours in Mistletoe,

Melinda