Grat-i-tude

Anyone who has ever experienced 'childlessness' will understand. There is an ache in your heart that nothing can replace. There is an emptiness in your life that nothing can fill. Seeing pregnant women makes you weepy. Seeing babies makes you cry. Resentment and anger well up inside and nothing anyone does or says makes it feel better.

You bargain with G-d. You beg and plead. Sorrow is replaced with rage and rage soon turns to bitterness.

By the time Mark and I explored the options on fertility treatment and said no to IVF we were left with two options - to live our lives without children or adopt. We had conversations that no two people in love should ever have to have, like me asking Mark if he wanted to stay with me or rather find someone who would be able to give him his own children. Mark thankfully stayed...

On the 10th May 2009 Emma found herself on this earth. At 6 weeks she found a place in our heart and a short while later a place in our home

After so much pain and heartache in my life, the universe has made up for it in abundance with our little girl.
Every day we count our blessings for having Emma in our lives. And it's the every day things we're the most grateful for.

There are so many reasons to be thankful and some may seem absurd but when you never ever thought it would or could happen, the absurd becomes the very reasons for our gratitude...

Reason 1 - Our bed, made for two, now sleeps three

Reason 2 - We get to tidy up toys all day, every day

Reason 3 - I have interrupted nights where Emma wants to play and talk..and I do so happily

Reason 4 - Our dining room table is now also Emma's favourite seat to sit and watch TV

Reason 5 - Sports and soapies are no longer the programmes of choice. Instead we get to watch Bubbleguppies, Dorah the Explorer, Team Umizoomi, Wonderpets and a whole lot more

Reason 6 - I traded my super-cool-man-magnet-Mini Cooper in for a sensible mommy car

Reason 7 - Going away for weekends means we have to check whether the place is child-friendly or not

Reason 8 - Overseas holidays are no longer as easy or as affordable

Reason 9 - Monkey cereal and cheesey toast are on the breakfast menu

Reason 10 - We get to go to shows like Beautiful Creatures

Reason 11 - We go to restaurants, not because of their wine list, but because they have a kiddies area

Reason 12 - Our lives are no longer our own

Reason 13 - My hard earned salary goes to school fees, nappies, clothes and toys

Reason 14 - We attend countless kiddies parties

Reason 15 - The excitement in our house at birthdays and Christmas is tangible

Reason 16 - I am no longer the professional, the wife or the daughter. I am Mama Emma

Reason 17 - The dark rings under my eyes can't hide the twinkle inside

Reason 18 - We get to go to the Spur

Reason 19 - We get to go to parent's evenings

Reason 20 - I get to make school lunches

Reason 21 - I've learned there's nothing tastier than an already chewed sweet

Reason 22 - My food is no longer my own. Emma takes the best bits off my plate ALL the time

Reason 23 - I get to hear "I love you mama" at least six or seven times a day

Reason 24 - My heart is no longer in my chest but rather right in front of me

Reason 25 - It's a cruel, crazy beautiful world and my hope is that Emma finds her place in it

Melinda