A rather serious post

I don't often get time to listen to Redi's show on 702. If I'm running late for work I normally get the intro and a few listeners calling in. But today I had a meeting outside the office which meant I was in the car driving back to work while she was having her 'sex-talk' show with Dr. Eve. The subject was 'anal pleasure'. People were calling in and discussing their experiences and how much they enjoyed it...but the less said about that the better.

And then a woman phoned in and said she finds the idea of anal sex repulsive. In fact, she added, it's hard enough just to have sex so the thought of that makes her cringe. It didn't concern the sex doc either way whether the caller was into the anal side of things; what she noticed was the caller's very obvious dislike of 'normal' sex. Immediately the doctor asked the woman if she had been molested or abused.

You could hear the sadness in the caller's voice when she answered 'yes'. There I was driving on the highway, tears streaming down my cheeks. And then the flood gates opened. Redi mentioned an episode of The Oprah Show where she interviewed known sex offenders, in a very candid, matter of fact way. In this episode she asked the one if he knows what his actions had done to his victims and he said "Yes, I killed her. I killed her potential."

I didn't see that episode so I could have the quotes wrong and who said what, but I understood immediately. As Dr. Eve pointed out that what a sex offender thinks is a moment that won't be remembered in fact lives with the victim for ever...and a day. Be it a child, a teenager, an adult. That one moment is never ever forgotten.

Before we went the more 'scientific route' of trying to conceive I tried homoeopathy, Reiki, body work, reflexology, massage, body alignment and a whole lot more. And in each of those sessions they picked up on the abuse. They put two and two together without any information from me. The one homoeopath even suggested that my body and mind wouldn't allow me to fall pregnant because of the abuse. My eating disorder, though rather late, is a result of it. The Reiki person pointed out that being anorexic is living with one foot in the grave, a little like the 'undead'. My depression and PTS is a result of it. My inability to enjoy the physical side of a relationship is a result of it...

I like to call myself a survivor but I suppose the reality is I'm a victim who has learned to survive

Melinda