Toxic toilet paper

Just yesterday I posted on my experience of the fearsome fours. Well, today I've woken up a with an itchy nether region and a rash in my usually 'happy place'. 

How are the two connected you ask? Let me tell you. But if you're a sensitive reader and don't like words like 'nether region', crotch, groin, toilet or ablutions then rather stop reading now. 

For some reason Emma has become a little obsessed with the toilet spray. She sprays it everywhere. On the mirrors, on the floor, on the toilet seat, in the bath, around the bath and as I recently discovered, the toilet roll itself. 

Sometime yesterday Emma literally soaked the toilet paper in 'daisy fresh' toilet spray. It must have been in the morning because by the time I used it at night the moisture had dried. The only tell tale sign that the roll had been fiddled with was the crumpled, possibly used look it had. But we're used to that. Ben often unrolls it, crumples it up, tosses it in the loo and then puts it back. We generally re-roll it and use it. 

So last night, while doing my ablutions, I had my last wee for the night and of course took some toilet paper to wipe. Maybe I wiped a bit more energetically than I should have but the the toxic toilet paper had enough time to do its thing. I climbed into bed and realized I might need one more little tinkle. Which I did, and wiped again. 

Lying in bed I couldn't understand why I kept getting whiffs of toilet perfume. Sometimes I think I smell my dead gran but it's usually a different scent. In the early hours of the morning I woke up with a very itchy crotch and this morning, on taking a quick look down there, there's a massive rash. 

And yes, the warning on the spray clearly reads 'avoid contact with eyes, skin and clothing. Prolonged or frequent skin contact may cause an allergic reaction'

Thank you Emma for my crotch rot this morning. I might smell as fresh as a daisy but what lies beneath is rather scary.