Sorry. My kid wiped his bum with it...

Who doesn't remember 'the dog ate my homework' excuses? At one time or another you'd need to be creative and come up with a reason as to why your presentation wasn't handed in, your deadline was missed or you'd forgotten something at home.

As a school goer I'd mumble something about forgetting my assignment on the bus, or my essay getting soaked in the rain. One time, believe it or not, I had to call in to my examiner at varsity to tell him I wouldn't be able to sit the exam because there was a hostage situation going on on the corner of our street and it had been cordoned off. 

But since becoming a mom, my reasons have become far more 'out there' and yet, tragically more true than ever before. 

Like the time I wanted to hand an application form in but Emma had practiced her handwriting across the entire page. Or the time I had to replace a friend's book because Ben wanted to see if her copy would float. In the toilet. 

On another occasion someone called me umpteen times on my cell, only to have Emma hang up on them because she was taking selfies and building her latest mine craft village. 

Some other ludicrous excuses, which have been actually used include:
I can't download on my laptop because Ben chewed through the power cable

No that's not a typo on your documents. Wait, hang on (going in for a closer look), it looks like snot/a bread crumb/spit/chocolate. Oh no. Wait! it's not chocolate

I think Ben wiped his bum/nose with my prescription. May I get a new one?

I couldn't answer the phone because Ben had me in a stronghold

No, Don't eat that biscuit. Ben stuck it in his bum

I couldn't get to my phone in time because Ben had it in his pants. His penis was calling his cousin

I am so sorry about that SMS (Mr Supplier, who I don't know from Adam). My daughter was practicing her 'words' and typed 'love you love you love you. wanna be with you...'