Imitation isn't always the best form of flattery

Emma and Ben are proof that it doesn't take biology to make you a family. Over time Emma has picked up a few of my silly quirks, like a lot of hand gestures and wrinkling of noses. She uses words I often I use and I've noticed a lot of my mannerisms in her.

Ben, just like his dad (or most men) loves farting, showing off his 'privacy' and belching. He often uses a broom or a long stick and pretends it's his willy and the other day he held a broomstick in his crotch area and brushed my hair with with bristly bit. When I asked him what he was doing he told me matter of factly that he's brushing my hair with his willy and squealed with laughter. Of course this manly behaviour means he could be any man's son but he does displays traits picked up from Mark and I, proving that he is indeed OUR child. 

Imitation is the best form of flattery and I always get a warm fuzzy feeling when I see my children doing something 'just like me'. Until recently. 

I was in the kitchen (not cooking) and Ben and Emma were close by. Ben, as always did something to piss Emma off, and I heard her reprimand him. She sounded like me. She used my tone and words. Then I turned around. And there she was. A smaller version of me, finger pointed, an angry stance and even worse, an angry look in her eyes. Just. Like. Me. And I was devastated. And embarrassed. And sad. 

There are no excuses for the way I've been shouting at the kids. The truth is I'm tired (no, exhausted). I'm stressed about so many things, too many things and most days I feel like I'm clinging onto my last shreds of sanity, just getting through each day, let alone being the mom who reasons, explains, negotiates and comes to an agreement with a kid who tries to pee into his own mouth. But the way Emma spoke, the way she stood and got in Ben's face was a very stark reminder that even without realizing it, we are teaching our children how to behave, how to react and interact. 

I can't give you a happy ending and say that I'm now the Betty Crocker of moms. That we laugh and giggle as we make cupcakes and delicious suppers. But for now, at least I'm aware and I always apologise for my little outbursts.

Here's looking at you stronger meds!